The Cracktastic Adventures of a Pokemon Trainer
by Death Kitsune II
Summary: When Kat starts off her journey with a punk-rocker Growlithe, she knows things are gonna get weird. Can she and her friends succeed in their journey of epicness? Rated C for crack. R   R, my people. OC's can be accepted like in my other stories.
1. The Beginning

**Dear friends, enemies, frenimies, and the occasional walrus, thank you so much for reading what I write. This shall be the first crackfic/ parody that I write, so I hope you enjoy every second of it. **

Ah, it was a wonderful, bright day in the world of Kanto. It was a region in the middle of Nowhere (Yeah, it's a place. For all you Mother fans, Kanto is actually right next to the Nowhere Islands. True fact.), but of course, nobody cared. Besides humans and animals, there were also strange creatures that we shall call Pokemon. Some had fiery or icy breath, some dropped bolts of lightning, some controlled plants, and a few puked rainbows. Interesting, right? Some people treated them like your average fire-breathing pets, some treated them like BFFs, but most just liked to battle. You know, Pokemon don't get hurt when they fight each other. It's just that they pass out if they get hit too much. This is what seperates Pokemon from animals. Plus, Pokemon usually live to at least 20. Also, these things are what make Pokemon way cooler than animals, but a lot more dangerous. Some random guy flicks on the news channel in Kanto, and boom, some little girl got mauled by an Arcanine. Something like that. But anyway, you could actually tame these beasts. Kids were the best at this, for some unknown reason. Tiny, cute Pokemon were the easiest to befriend.

Now, lots of kids risk their necks and go out to tame Pokemon. Why? Because it's fun. Also, there are some other reasons. Here's a list:

You can get out of doing your History worksheets all the time in middle school. Just say that your Charmander fried your homework.

Instant popularity points. If you had, say a level 60 Rhydon, you'd be the coolest kid on the block.

Having a strong Pokemon with you is like having a parent or guardian with you. You can go pretty much wherever you want.

FLYING. JUST FLYING.

Magnemite equals free WiFi. Machoke equals badass bodyguard. Fearow equals free ride. Magikarp equals... well, scientists have not yet figured out what Magikarp is good for besides evolving into a Gyarados. They're working on it.

So, you can have your own Pokemon when you're ten or older. Although, most of the ten-year-olds are whiny brats, so you might as well start at thirteen or fourteen. If you lived by this old geezer named Professor Oak, you could start out with a rare Pokemon. You had your choice of Bulbasaur, Squirtle or Charmander. (Nobody knows where he gets these Pokemon. Some state that they're from the black market.) These little guys all start out cute, but by level thirty-six, they all end up looking like something from Dungeons and Dragons. So, our story begins in a place called Viridian City. That's because some weirdo named practically every place after a fancy color.

_BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!_

Katrina pulled the covers over her head, refusing to get out of bed even if it meant going deaf.

_!_

She slammed her palm down on the alarm clock. Kat had already hit the snooze button quite a few times. Yeah, she was lazy, and she loved it. She stumbled downstairs, her reddish-brown hair sticking out at ever angle. She slowly walked into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of orange juice. There was a note on the table. Kat squinted, and read:_ Hey, Kat. I'm with your father at the Mart. Your friends called, they wanted to invite you on their Pokemon journey. I said that it's fine. They said to meet near Route 1 at 8:00. Goodbye._

_~Mom_

Kat just stared at the piece of paper. Pokemon journey? Mom was just letting her go like _that_? _Jeez, my parents must _really _want me out of the house._ But, she was still excited. It was pretty coolio that her friends invited her along, too. Kat took a bite of her strawberry Pop-tart. She calmly looked up at the clock. 8: 05._ Wait a sec... 8:05? But, they wanted to meet at..._ Kat never finished that train of thought. She was already combing her hair, tossing on her favorite green I Hate Mondays hoodie and her glasses and rushing out the door.

When she reached Route 1, her friends were waiting for her. A blond girl with a red streak in her hair called out mockingly.

"Better late than never, I suppose!" she squawked. Kat rolled her hazel eyes.

"Wanna hear a blond joke, Zane? A smart blond and a red Gyarados are on top of a cliff. Which one jumps first? Neither, 'cause both of them don't exist." taunted Kat.

"C'mon, enough with the jokes." said a blond boy with icy blue eyes next to them.

"Fine, fine, Toby. We'll go." sighed Zane. They walked through the route, making sure to avoid the areas with tall grass. It was a friendly scene. Warm, sunny, grassy, and the air was filled with the cries of puny, level two Pokemon. It was mostly quiet, till Zane began to whistle Christmas songs, even though it was the middle of June. By the time they were halfway through Route 1, she had already gone through "Jingle Bells", "Deck the Halls", and even one that Kat didn't know. Then, she decided to walk in the tall grass.

"Careful, Kat. That's where the Pokemon are." warned Toby.

"Aw, come on. They're all so tiny!" she responded. She was making her merry way along, when a Spearow started crying at her. It was only about six inches tall. That's when Kat made a terrible, terrible descision. She punted the bird-like creature at least ten feet.

"Don't tell me you killed it." said Toby. His question was soon answered. A white light shone from the grass, and a large Fearow was suddely flying into the air. Zane rushed behind Kat.

"Kat tastes way better than I do!" she shouted.

"HEY!"

"Well, you probably do!"

The trio sprinted away at top speed, heading towards Pallet Town. Technically, it was more of a village than a town. It had what, five houses and a laboratory? Well, they reached the large lab, burst in, and locked the door behind them. Kat could still hear the Fearow's shrill screams from outdoors. An old man with white hair walked up to them.

"Let me guess: You're three teens who want to be Trainers, one of you accidentally punted a Spearow, which evolved into a Fearow and chased you here." he said.

"What are you, psychic?" asked Toby.

"Some say yes, others say no. Either way, I'm Professor Oak. Follow me." The friends shrugged to each other, and followed the Professor.

They came to a table with three capsules on it, also known as Poke balls. I usually just call them capsules, since some lewd phrases are associated with the latter which shall not be mentioned at this point in time.

Zane rushed over to one of the capsules. She pushed a white switch in its cented, and a white bolt of light shot to the floor. A brown, fox-like Pokemon materialized.

"Hey, that's not a Starter." commented Kat.

"That's an Eevee. It has three different evolutions. Sorry, but some other kid came earlier today and took my Bulbasaur, so that's a starter for today..." he said shyly. Zane picked the Eevee up and hugged it. The Pokemon did not look impressed.

"You're so cute! I'm-a gonna call-a you Lelouch~!" she said happily. Toby hit his palm to his forehead.

"Seriously? You're naming a Pokemon after an anime character?"

"Yep~." Lelouch bit Zane on the arm.

"Ow! BAD Lulu, VERY BAD Lulu!" she squawked. Toby took another capsule and opened it. A small Squirtle appeared. It looked around frightenedly, and then grabbed on to Toby's leg. He gave it a pat on the head.

"There, there, little guy. I'll call you Tiny." he said. Tiny hugged Toby tightly, still timid.

Kat grabbed the final capsule._ I guess I get a Charmander..._ she thought to herself. She opened it, and the white light revealed an orange, furry creature. Cream colored hair covered one eye, while its body was covered in tiger stripes.

"Sorry, Charmander's taken too. This is my Growlithe." said the Professor. The doggy Pokemon looked at Kat with a blank expression. With the fur over its eye, it sort of looked like a punk rocker.

"Should I call you Fido?" she asked. The Pokemon growled at the mention of this name, as if to say: _You're serious?_

"No? What about Boney?" The Growlithe also seemed to hate this name.

"Okay then... what about Fang?" The Growlithe barked. He responded to this new name. This was the start of the ultimate Pokemon crack adventure.

**AUTHOR has leveled up! **

**+2 awesomeness!**

**+1 skill!**

**+1 randomness!**

**AUTHOR learned Flame Shield!**

**What's this? AUTHOR is asking fans if they will review this story. Will you answer?**


	2. Chapter 2

Fang and Lelouch were now growling in a pissed way at each other, while Tiny was still hiding behind Toby.

"Well, thanks Professor." said Toby as the three began to walk out the door.

"Wait! I just have one more thing, little whippersnappers!" called Oak. (_What did he just call us?)_ Kat mouthed to Zane._ (I think it's what old dudes who grew up in the fifties and sixties call us teenagers.)_ Zane responded quietly. Meanwhile, Professor Oak took out three handheld devices that looked a little like cell phones. One was ocean blue, another was silver, and the last one was royal purple.

"I want THAT one!" cried Zane, as if she was a little girl shouting at her mom in a candy shop. Zane snatched the purplish one before Oak had a chance to tell them what it was.

"These are what you would call Pokedex. If you see a Pokémon, it will scan them and automatically record data on its size, footprint, appearance, gender, and overall data on that species. I want YOU to travel Kanto in search of every single Pokémon, including all three legendary birds." He finished in a very Uncle Sam type of way. Kat frowned a bit, considering the idea.

"Why don't you go around collecting data? You are a Professor, right?" she questioned.

"Oh, I'm much too old!" he explained._ Seems more like much too lazy to me…_ thought Toby. "Oh, here, let me show you an example!" said Oak enthusiastically. He held up the silver device near Fang. He growled, suspicious of this "Pokedex". It beeped a little bit, and then a metallic, scratchy vice came out of it.

"GROWLITHE, THE PUPPY POKÉMON. IT'S FINE-TUNED SENSES CAN DETECT WHETHER A BEING'S HEART IS GOOD OR EVIL. IT WILL ONLY WORK FOR GOOD, HAVING A NATURAL HATRED OF EVIL. A GROWLITHE CAN ENCASE ITSELF IN ORANGE FLAMES WHEN ANGERED. THIS ACTION IS KNOWN AS 'FLAME WHEEL'." The voice screeched. Fang seemed appalled at the information the machine had spewed. Slightly afraid, he pawed behind Kat. On the other hand, Lelouch was making a noise that seemed like creepy laughing at Fang. Tiny squirted a little water at the Eevee, as if to say_ "It's not nice to laugh when someone is scared."_ Lelouch frowned, and suavely made his merry way over to Zane. Kat took the silver Pokedex, while toby took the blue one and Zane grabbed the purple one. Professor Oak also gave them each a handful of brightly-colored capsules before they left. They thanked him, and made their way out of the Lab. A lighthearted tune randomly started up.

"Hey, is anyone else creeped out by the weird background music?" asked Zane.

"Zane, what did I tell you about breaking the fourth wall?" shouted Kat.

"Aww, but it makes it more fun for the readers!" pleaded Zane. Kat became a little more submissive. "Fine, you win…" she said. The three teenagers made their way back to Route 1. They avoided most of the grassy spots (since they were still a little afraid of Fearow). It was a boring stroll, but Zane tried to entertain. "27 bottles of beer on the wall, 27 bottles of beeeeerrrr…." She droned. Toby stopped caring a while ago, and Kat was holding her hands over her ears. All of a sudden, a purple mouse-like Pokémon blocked their path. Toby's Pokedex buzzed.

"VRR… RATTATA, THE MOUSE POKÉMON." Lelouch bit the Rattata on the tailand the tiny creature squealed in pain.

"GET 'EM, LULU-KUN!" screeched Zane.

"Seriously, how many pet names are you gonna give that Eevee?" asked Kat. The Rattata was already unconscious on the ground. The group kept on walking. Eventually, another Pokémon came up to them. This time it was a Pikachu, electricity already crackling around it. (Note: Pikachu is one of the most destructive electric types you will ever see.)

"Kaa…" it warned. Fang growled right back, fire covering his front paws. The two Pokémon brawled it out for a little bit, until Zane ended up throwing a capsule. It shook three times.

"YAAAY, I GOTS MYSELF A PIKACHU!" she cried. "Your name is Sebastian." Zane said.

"DEAR GOD, NO. Are you going to name every Pokémon you catch after an anime character?" asked Kat.

"Maybe… but first I'm going to catch a lady Pika and call it Grell!"

"NO."


End file.
